dont speak

so me and gavin had sex sunday monday tuesday wednesday not thursday but messed around friday not saturday but sunday again! we talked about relationships and we got on to the topic of when school ends. he started with "im no good with long distance relationships..." and I told him to stop and that I didnt want him to say anything that could mess things up for us. so were waiting for this talk. and enjoying ourselves.

TEE

so when Gavin was drunk he told me that he liked Annie and this kinda bothered me so today we talked about it and he was like "well I met Annie before I met you and I liked her when I met her it was just that I didnt want a relationship period if she expressed interest I would have said no and you know at that time that I didnt want a relationship and while we were fooling around I leaned way more towards you and I really wanted a relationship with you"

I just really dont know what to do right now. Everything Gavin says hurts my feelings and its not like I want to be upset at him. it feels like he's giving me more attention but the wrong kind. maybe its just that hes ODing on good feelings from being better but like today he totally blew off our plans of watching a movie. I just I dont know...maybe we need space. I'm pretty sure thats all it is.I should tell him that.....

liquid dreams//bye bye chellykins

so gavins grandmother died on saturday and I really dont know how to act around him. to cheer him up when me and Chelanna were having our last hang out I bought lingerie the entire time i was out with chelanna he kept texting me constantly asking how i was doing where I was when i was coming back how long i was going to be and it was very weird then the second i saw him he pounced on me apearantly he had a wet dream about me today ^^. lol. I cant believe chelanna is going for SIX MONTHS AS OF TOMORROW!! not being able to see her is going to be weird but im so happy for her.

Gavin is still sick. I dont know what to do.

sickeee

So Gavins been sick for an entire week. Ive been running back and fourth I even carried 20lbs of fruit worth fifty dollars from lougheed for him. whats worse is that he is unusually needy its so awkward because Im not used to him being so needy. today we were laying in his bed and I was like,
"hey im going to go"
"why do you have stuff to do?"
"no just going to watch a movie or something"
"why are you going to leave me?"
"do you want me to stay"
"yes"
"okay"
last night he was shivering and made me sleep with him to keep him warm. a few days ago I felt stifled but now I just feel sad for him and desperately want him to get better.

"God if your pregnant after this I am going to be so pissed off"
"what?"
"Well I said I would go through anything just for you to not be pregnant and I feel like this is what I have to go through for you to not be pregnant so if your pregnant Im going to be pissed"

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK .....FUCK~

ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm so possibly pregnant much?