I remember; standing by the wall

I had gone through security at the whitehorse Airport and had gotten used to the idea of not seeing gavin for a while. after getting through security I sat down and noticed him standing and watching me on the other side of this glass. he was watching me I went up to the glass and noticed a familynext to me signing to their loved ones on the other side of the glass. and then there was us. for a minute or so I stared at him in shock, happiness, sadness. he couldnt hear anything i had said. i started to cry feeling sad again. in a stroke of intellegence I remembered I could text whatever I needed to through my cell. I texted him that i loved him. but I knew that saying that was only making me sadder so I put my hands over my mouth mimmicking the face i made when I did that embarrasing fart. it made him laugh which made me laugh. I noticed his hand was pressed against the glass and I placed mine over it. I made some small talk through text until they called me to go on the plane. I figured going on the plane sooner would be better. Gavin Gave me a heart in the shape of his hands showing his disgust for the head gesture then mouthed he loved me. even typing this now makes me cry. Its only thirty nine more days until I see him for 240 days straight. I turned away and started walking away from the glass knowing that every step away from him now was a step towards him in the future. thinking about that was the only thing that could stop me from crying my eyes out.

We learnt so much about eachother in these five days. I confessed about my eating disorder, and he told me in better detail about how he felt he kept pushing in his last relationship until it was completely over and how he feels so ashamed about how he treated the entire situation. I think that what he did was romantic and something i would probably do. but I feel scared that if we ever came to a situation in which it needed us to push that he would just walk away.

Being in whitehorse made me know Gavin so much more. but as I flew into vancouver and I looked at the City, it made me wonder if I know myself and if thats where I belong. . .